A Final Goodbye

Dear Wife,

I’m writing to inform you that I’m leaving you for good. Despite my efforts over our 7 years of marriage, I feel unfulfilled.

The Last Straw

The past two weeks have been tough. Today, your boss told me you quit your job. That was the final straw. Last week, you came home, ignored my new haircut, and didn’t notice that I cooked your favorite meal. After eating in two minutes, you went straight to sleep after watching TV. You no longer say you love me, and there’s a lack of intimacy. Whether you’re cheating or simply don’t love me anymore, it’s clear to me that it’s over.

Moving On

I’m leaving, and your sister and I are relocating to West Virginia together. Wishing you a great life!

Your Ex-Husband

P.S. Please don’t try to find me.

A Surprising Response

Dear Ex-Husband,

Your letter made my day. Yes, we were married for 7 years, but you are not a good man. I watch TV to escape your constant complaints, which doesn’t even help.

A Different Perspective

I did notice your haircut, but it made you look feminine, so I chose not to comment. When you cooked “my favorite meal,” you must have confused me with my sister; I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. As for those silk boxers, I turned away because they still had the price tag, and my sister borrowed $50 from me that morning.

A New Beginning

Despite everything, I still loved you and believed we could work things out. Then I won $10 million in the lottery, quit my job, and bought us tickets to Jamaica. But when I returned home, you were gone.

I guess everything happens for a reason. My lawyer says your letter means you won’t get a dime from me. Take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich and Free!

P.S. My sister Carla was born Carl. Hope that’s not an issue!