A wealthy married man was having an aff:air with an Italian woman.

One evening, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to jeopardize his marriage or reputation, the man offered her a large sum of money to move to Italy and have the baby in secret.

He also promised to provide child support until the child turned 18 if she stayed there to raise the child.

The woman agreed but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep things discreet, he told her to send a postcard with the word *“Spaghetti”* written on the back.

Once he received it, he would arrange for the child support.

Months later, the man returned home to his puzzled wife.

She handed him a postcard from Italy and said, “This is a bit odd.”

Trying to play it cool, he said, “Oh, just give it to me. I’ll explain later.”

But as he read the card, his face turned pale, and he fainted.

The postcard read: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without. Send extra sauce.”

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip.

The wife answers, “Thank you, honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says, “An Italian girl!!!”

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good, thank you.”

“And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” She asked.

“The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!”

“Oh, that,” she said. “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!!!”

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country.

She had never been on an airplane before and felt very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing 747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and shouting, “BOEING! BOEING! BOEING!”

As she yelled, she forgot where she was, and even the pilot in the cockpit heard the noise. Annoyed by the situation, the pilot came out and shouted, “Be silent!”

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody started to look at the blonde and the angry pilot.

She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting: “OEING! OEING! OEING!”

One day, I asked my English teacher,

“Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H …in Hour, Honour. …etc. ???”

My English teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent “……. (I was even more confused???)

During the lunch break, my teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.

I ate all the food and returned her the empty container…!!!

My English teacher: “What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.”

I replied, “Sir, I thought ‘H’ was silent.”

A mother was cleaning the house when her young son, Timmy, ran up to her, crying.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked.

“Mom, I accidentally broke a flower pot while playing soccer in the living room,” Timmy confessed.

The mother sighed, trying to stay calm. “Timmy, how many times have I told you not to play soccer in the house?”

“I know, Mom,” Timmy replied, “but it wasn’t my fault. The ball just went flying!”

The mother looked at him and said, “Well, accidents happen. But next time, you need to be more careful.”

Timmy nodded and ran off to play. A few minutes later, Timmy returned and said, “Mom, I have something to tell you, but promise you won’t get mad.”

The mother, suspicious but curious, said, “Alright, I promise.”

Timmy took a deep breath and said, “I also broke the window… but I learned a valuable lesson!”

The mother raised an eyebrow. “And what lesson is that?”

Timmy smiled sheepishly and said, “Next time, I’m playing outside.”

A teacher is trying to instruct her class on the meaning of the word “definitely”.

“Can anyone give me an example?” She asks.

Suzie raises her hand, “The grass is definitely green.”

“Sometimes the grass can be brown,” The teacher answers.

“Anyone else?”

“The sky is definitely blue,” Says Timmy.

“The sky can be gray if it’s cloudy, or black at night,” Says the teacher.

In the back of the class, little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Do farts have lumps?”

Caught off guard the teacher says, “No, of course not!”

Johnny replies, “Then I definitely pooped my pants.”

LOL!!