Am I the a-hole for not covering for a coworker with a sick kid, resulting in her being fired? The pressures of my office are insane.

Hey everybody, welcome back. Let’s get into it.

I, 25 female, work as a hospice nurse for a home hospice company. All of the nurses are salaried, and we make our own hours for the most part. This is a desirable job for nurses wanting to get out of working 12-hour shifts at hospitals. It’s very desirable for parents especially.

We all have to take turns being on call overnight, roughly once every two weeks. This is mandatory. Attendance is mandatory. All of my coworkers have kids, pretty much. Everyone except me.

In the three years I have been here, I’ve asked my coworkers for virtually nothing. I never really get sick. I handle all my stuff. I’m never called out of an on-call shift. My boss has a three strikes rule where if you have to call out of your on-call shifts three times within a year, you get fired. No exceptions.

If you trade your on-call shift, however, it doesn’t count against you. It only counts against you if our boss has had to mandate someone into covering the shift. I’ve watched my boss fire several people over this in the few years I have worked here.

Okay, sounds pretty strict, but at the same time, it sounds like everybody knows the rules. I play by the rules.

We got a new coworker—let’s say Mandy—about four months ago. She’s called out of her on-call shifts twice so far, so not a good track record. Apparently, her husband is active duty and deploys a lot, so she has four kids and struggles to find a babysitter for them. It’s a lot, babes. I feel for her as well.

This past Monday was Mandy’s on call again. She sent out an email begging for someone to take it because her babysitter got sick. I offered to trade her if she works on Valentine’s Day for me. Win-win, right? Well, that’s what you’d think, but now I get Valentine’s Day off and can go on a date, and Mandy gets her shift covered and doesn’t get fired.

Mandy said her husband comes back on Thursday and they wanted to go out for Valentine’s Day. So, she wants you to take her shift, but she doesn’t want to do anything for you in return. That’s a bad deal.

Apparently, their marriage was heading toward a divorce, and they really needed this night. She asked me if she could just work a day for me next month instead. I said, “No chance.”

What I want to know is like, what would she do if you weren’t there? You know? Like, I do sympathize with her. I do. But at the same time, it’s like she’s a nurse. This is a job that’s a lot more flexible than being, you know, a nurse at a hospital, for example.

What would she do if there were no options? She’d probably make it work, right?

She tried guilting me and shaming me, so eventually I just said, “Fuck it. You’re on your own.” She tried to backpedal, but I said no. She pleaded with both me and our boss, but Mandy got fired.

Yeah, she went wrong in trying to guilt and shame you for sure. I totally understand where she’s coming from, but like, let’s not bite the hand that feeds us. And in this case, the one person that she needs to do something for her, she acts some type of way because she doesn’t get her way.

I wouldn’t want to do anything for a person like that either. I can tell my boss and some of our coworkers think I’m an a-hole since I had the free time to cover her shift and I don’t have kids or anything. Am I the a-hole?

Hell no.

Edit to add: Her kid got her babysitter sick and the babysitter canceled. Both were sick, so she had to stay home with her kid. I worded things wrong. Okay. Okay. Okay. Helpful context. Definitely.

Coworker had a sick kid. Babysitter was also sick. Yeah. I mean, it’s definitely a really crappy situation for her as well. I get that. But at the same time, this is also the job that she chose. It kind of sounds like she wouldn’t have gotten fired if it weren’t for the two times before that she also called out.

Facts. Like, let’s not forget that there’s a three strike rule. Okay. Two of the previous strikes you had nothing to do with. Correct. Yes. In this instance, maybe you could have taken the shift. You could have done her a solid.

I mean, I wouldn’t want to do someone a favor who was like guilt tripping me and making me feel bad, to be honest. But the reason she got fired was the accumulation of the strikes. Not her fault.

I kind of know where I stand even though I do sympathize with her, but let’s see what Reddit had to say.

She could have had her Valentine’s on Saturday. Yes, I can understand, you know, her wanting to spend time with her husband and stuff like that, but at the same time, she’s in a pinch. She’s asking you to do her a favor, and in return, she also has to do you a favor.

So, if that means her celebrating Valentine’s Day with her husband on a day that she can actually do it, she could have compromised. But it doesn’t really sound like she’s the type of person to compromise. Bingo. Kind of sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it, too.

A simple one-day shift and she could have made the deal with you and kept her job. Not the a-hole. And making the choice to have kids means the responsibility to take care of those kids. It’s never someone else’s problem. Preach.

Yeah, and someone else made another really good point. Quite frankly, I would rather celebrate a day later when places aren’t so packed and prices are jacked up just because it’s Valentine’s Day. Besides, if her marriage is failing, going out on Valentine’s Day instead of a regular Saturday isn’t going to change anything.

And I imagine getting fired is going to do more damage to the marriage than missing a random holiday due to the added stress of now being down on one income. The coworker didn’t think things through, and that’s on no one but her. Besides, she’d already called out twice in four months of employment.

Please, god damn it, that’s what I’m saying. It’s like, okay, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but like, let’s not forget she also is starting a new job and she already called out twice before. That’s not good.

So, she called out twice in four months of employment while knowing about the three strikes rule. And it’s not even that they can’t call out on a normal day—it’s only on the on-call nights once every two weeks.

So, you figure in the four months she’s worked there, let’s say it’s eighteen weeks. That means she’s called out for two of her nine on-call shifts. Girl was going to get fired eventually anyway.

Yes. Yeah. No, I totally agree with that. It was either this shift specifically or another shift down the line, but like, having those two strikes on your on-call record already and then knowing that that’s, you know, going to lead to you getting fired—like, you can’t blame anybody else at that point.

Not to mention, this is a job that also allows a lot more flexibility than being a nurse at a hospital. A nurse at a hospital, I don’t think, has that much flexibility, you know.

Oh, you don’t think I have a stressful job? I’d do my best if I had this job and I had no other choice, and this was the one job that allowed me the flexibility. I would do whatever I could to keep that job.

And yes, I actually, I actually really do feel for her. Like, it’s not a good position to be in. She’s not a single mother, but kind of feels like it, right? Her husband’s not there. She has four kids. You know, she’s trying to, you know, hold down the fort by herself. And I do really feel for her, but I don’t know if a job like this is the best job for her, you know, especially if she’s not willing to compromise.

She wanted OP to do her a favor so that she could just have the advantage of going out on Valentine’s Day with her husband. And it just shows to me that like she wants everybody to do her a favor, but she’s not willing to do the favor in return.

Hey, tell them not the a-hole. You did offer to cover her shift and she refused the entirely reasonable compromise that you offered in exchange. All of the other coworkers could have covered it.

That’s the other thing, too. Like, if everybody else is kind of saying, “Oh, you’re the a-hole, you’re the a-hole,” why didn’t they cover her shift? Why was it entirely up to you to save this person’s job?

Your boss is blaming you for the boss enforcing their own policy on somebody who absolutely violated that policy. Nobody here is right except for you, OP. Her emergencies are not yours.

Yeah, it’s a crappy situation. Believe me, I do feel for this mother. I do. But at the same time, it kind of sounds like this might not be the best fit for her in general. Kind of sounds like she needs even more flexibility.

So OP responded: All the other coworkers couldn’t because supposedly they couldn’t find someone to watch their kids at the last minute. Yeah. So, I’m going to go with the crowd on this one. I’m going to say not the a-hole, but I’m always curious what you guys think.

We got some more unhinged work drama for you. Don’t go anywhere. And by the way, this video is going to be a little longer than usual.

My coworker pretended to be British for three years.

Three years, eh? I can’t even keep the accent up for like longer than a couple of minutes. Depends if I’m drunk, though. For some reason, once I start when I’m drunk, I can’t stop with the accents.

We hired this guy a few years ago. Let’s call him Dan. On his first day, he came in with this very proper London accent, like textbook BBC newsreader vibes. On this day, we are going to announce that kind of British accent. This is one of those things I wouldn’t believe if I didn’t witness it myself.

That’s kind of the Queen’s English. I wouldn’t necessarily call it London English. You get my point.

People asked where he was from, and he casually said, “Oh, just outside of London.” Cool. Whatever. Fast forward three years.

Dan has built a whole personality around being the British guy. So, he’s a fraud. He’d say things like, “Fancy a cuppa,” and “bloody hell.” Unironically, people asked him British stuff all the time, and he’d always have answers. Some of it felt off, but nothing too wild.

Then last week, in the middle of a completely normal conversation, he just switched. Bombastic side eye. Oh, how are you not embarrassed? Oh, not even slightly.

Fully American accent.

Someone goes, “Wait, what happened to your accent?” And Dan just froze like he got hit with the blue screen of death. He tried to backpedal with, “Oh, I’ve been here for so long it slips sometimes,” but it was too late. The jig was up.

Turns out another coworker found his old Facebook and he’s from freaking Indiana. Never even been to the UK. That’s embarrassing. I beg your finest pardon.

So, what the hell was this all about? Was this something like, “Oh, I’m just much more interesting when I have an accent”? No, he’s fully a fraud. Like, if he’s going to lie about this, what else is he lying about? Did he say he went to Oxford, too?

Now HR is involved because apparently someone complained he was falsifying identity. I don’t even know what to make of this. Who commits to an accent for three years at a corporate job? Have y’all ever seen someone lie that deep just to be more interesting at work?

Um… [Music] no. No, I haven’t. I would say that’s a first.

I will admit something though. I mentioned that I like to do accents, and then when I’m drunk, you know, it kind of just takes over. My mother, she said to me, “What is power?”

In my bar-star days, I would go out and pretend to be British or pretend to be Russian or something—your Asian—and try to get people to actually believe I was from there, and then the accent would fall off and people would be like, “What the? You’re not actually English?” I was like, “Yeah, I don’t know.” I was just around.

I wasn’t like keeping it up over the course of several nights. Like, this was like a 20-minute game that I was playing because I thought it was funny. And then people would literally say, you know, you were much more attractive with an accent. [Music] Excuse you.

There is a thing. It is a thing. People who are foreign honestly are just so much more interesting. And maybe he was just like incredibly insecure and like loved the attention. I’m honestly surprised it took three years like that.

Kudos to him because that is a long time to be fibbing. I’m playing the long game because it’s not just the accent. Like, it’s like every conversation he’s ever had where he’s pretended to be British was just like one big flat-out lie.

Yeah, I’d be looking into that guy’s resume, checking his references, just to make sure that he didn’t lie about anything else. ’Cause if he was willing to lie about being British for three years, I have a feeling that’s not the only thing he lied about.

The weirdest part of this story is that someone complained to HR about it. Is it though? I don’t know. Like, I feel like it is a little weird. I would be very weirded out.

Okay, he’s a clown, but who the f reports this to HR? People who feel duped. Okay, you’ve been duped. Duped indeed.

I feel duped because I do genuinely feel like if he was willing to lie about this for like three years, I bet you anything there’s lies on his resume about like where he’s worked, where he’s gone to school, like all this other stuff.

Today, I f’d up when I shut down my young coworker’s advances.

Up, you say? All right, Reddit. This particular screw-up happened last night, and I’m currently at my desk feeling like I’m just waiting for a bomb to go off.

Look, I’m just a regular guy, 32 years old, married to a woman who’s way out of my league, and our life is simple and good. I like it that way. I come to work, I do my job, I go home. The last thing I want or need is drama—unless you’re watching Charlotte’s YouTube channel, right?

About a month ago, we hired a new girl, K. She’s 18, right out of school, and full of that bubbly energy I vaguely remember having. For some reason, she decided I’m her target.

I want you. Oh, that’s awkward.

At first, I figured she was just friendly, but it’s gotten to a point where I can’t ignore it. It’s been things like: one, finding little hearts drawn on my notepads if I leave them in the kitchen. Oh, not the hearts. Oh, please, please, no. Spare me.

Two, the constant staring. I’ll be working and getting that feeling someone’s watching me, and sure enough, it’s her. She blushes when I look up. Someone’s got a crush on you.

Three, some loudmouth in sales jokingly called her my work wife, and she just ran with it. She started signing notes to me with “WW.” Just mortifying. Oh my gosh. What if your wife finds that? No. No. No. No. Absolutely not. No, thank you.

And four, the real kicker was when I was talking with a buddy here about wanting kids with my wife and Kay, who was pretending not to listen, chirps in with, “I’ve always thought I’d make a great stepmom.”

What do you even say to that?

Who are people to know that like it’s just her being a little weird and delulu? What if people start talking about you potentially playing into these delusions? XOXO Gossip Girl.

You know what? If it gets around the office—and it kind of already has, to be honest—I wouldn’t be surprised. What if it gets around the office and then you get in trouble and then there’s like this weird…

Yeah. No, no, no.

My strategy, which in hindsight was pretty dumb, was just to be aggressively married. I’d bring up my wife constantly, hoping she’d get the message. My wife and I saw that movie. My wife packs my lunch, etc.

Uh, I thought I was setting a clear boundary. I was not.

I feel like that is the right thing to do. I don’t think that that’s a dumb thing to do at all. I think that’s exactly what you need to be doing so that there’s no confusion there. But then again, if I know some male-centered women… I don’t know. I do know male-centered women. I don’t know if that would stop them.

So, this brings us to the f-up last night. It’s late. It’s just the two of us left in the office finishing a project. The place is dead quiet.

She brings me a coffee I didn’t ask for and does that thing where her fingers linger on mine for way too long when she hands it to me. Oh god. I pulled my hand away and she gets this really serious look and asks, “Are you really happy?”

And that was it. My patience, which I usually have a lot of, just hit zero. All of the weeks of awkwardness and cringing just boiled over. I dropped the polite nice guy act and I was just blunt.

I looked her right in the eye and said, “My wife is my world. That is not an appropriate question for work and it is not up for discussion.”

Okay. But I love that though. I love this boundary that you’re setting.

I expected her to get embarrassed, maybe stammer an apology, but that’s not what happened. Oh, okay.

It was like I flipped a switch. The smile, the bubbly personality, all of it just vanished. Her face went completely blank. She just stared at me for a second and said, “Okay,” in this flat, dead voice.

The rest of the night was dead silent. It was the most uncomfortable hour of my entire career. Oo, I’d be careful about this girl. Crazy.

Like, listen, you did the right thing. You did literally everything right. You brought up your wife as often as possible. You set a boundary. You told her to stop being inappropriate, which she was.

Now she’s rejected, right? I do think that she would probably do something to get back at you. Careful.

Today, it’s like I’m sitting next to a stranger. A really angry stranger.

Yeah, you’re gonna need to go to HR and tell them what’s going on just to get ahead of it. Like even if nothing happens, like just get ahead of it before she takes matters into her own hands.

She won’t look at me, but the vibe is so hostile and it’s making my skin crawl. I’m no longer dealing with a kid with a crush. I’m dealing with a pissed-off woman I have to work with every single day.

My big f-up was thinking that being direct would solve the problem, but I think I just made it a thousand times worse. Now I’m just sitting here playing it in my head, convinced she’s going to march down to HR and claim I was the one that was hitting on her.

This is exactly why you need to be the one to go to HR first. Good advice.

I almost wish she went to HR sooner than this, too. But, you know, it’s not an easy thing, right? Like, she’s probably just out of school. Like, maybe this is her first job. You know, it could be just like an innocent crush.

You don’t know these things until like you’re confronted with them, but you’re going to need to go to HR like ASAP.

Okay, people in the comments also agree. Brother, you should have gone to HR weeks ago. He should still go there now and let them know what happened just in case something else gets said later by someone else. Yes, agreed.

The best time was weeks ago, but the second best is right now, immediately. Like, do not pass go and do not collect $200. March your butt into the HR office and spill. Do it.

He also needs to tell his wife what the hell is going on because there’s a non-zero chance OP’s coworker will reach out and chum the water with lies.

But this isn’t even a woman scorned, you know what I mean? Like this is just like someone who had like a work crush, a borderline obsession with someone who was married, got rejected, and is really young and dumb. Correct.

Like you can just even tell by the fact that she was willing to cross so many boundaries that don’t even need to be said. The fact that OP even had to set that boundary, it means that the person he’s dealing with has no regard for the rules. It’s a tough situation.

I do think it would be good to get ahead of it and tell the wife just in case something comes up. As others have said, anyone who’s willing to plow through all your very obvious “I am married” comments is a very dangerous person in a professional work setting.

Document it.

Now, that’s the other thing. Typity type, and you didn’t f up. There was likely nothing short of that outburst that would have gotten her to stop. Anything that offered even a chance would have failed to stop the behavior.

Also, I hope you’ve been keeping your wife up to date, because when you have to explain something like this as if it just came out of the blue, it looks bad. Certainly, if you haven’t, now it’s time to explain it before something bad happens.

Yeah. I don’t think that you did anything wrong. I don’t think that you messed up by setting those boundaries. I think the only thing that you did or could have done better is going to HR like ASAP.

How did he know how she was going to react? You know? Like it could have just been like a silly infatuation. She could have just taken it better than how she took it. She didn’t. So, say, that’s where we’re at.

Am I the a-hole for not explicitly stating my punch is non-alcoholic? I don’t even know I came to this party.

All right. I, 25 female, recently attended a potluck-style work party and brought punch, which has since caused a problem between myself and another coworker, 42 female, who we’ll call Sandy.

Last week, my boss hosted a party at his house to celebrate the end of the busy season and a job well done. All of my coworkers and their spouses were invited, and we decided it would work well to do a potluck to offset the cost of feeding everyone—about 35 people—since not everyone who came brought a spouse or significant other. Okay. Okay. Go on.

I volunteered to make a punch I brought to previous work events that everyone said they enjoyed, as well as some fruit to go with it. Okay. So, this isn’t something that you haven’t done before. Okay. This seems like a reasonable deal.

This was a casual party with alcohol present, but since I have some coworkers who don’t drink, I didn’t add any alcohol to this punch and figured that if people really wanted some, they’d just add it themselves. Very thoughtful.

I failed to understand the problem here. Fast forward a couple hours and Sandy’s getting even louder and more dramatic than normal and is stumbling around the party. Absolutely scandalous.

Totally sober.

This was okay. So, pretending to be drunk. Did she have something else to drink? Did she have alcohol or was she just drinking your punch?

“I’m drunk.” Oh my gosh.

I didn’t think much of it and I figured she brought her own drinks or was adding some of the host alcohol that was put into something else. She suddenly fell off the chair she was sitting on and made a big show of saying that it’s because she was so drunk.

She then asked me in front of the rest of our coworkers, “What was it that I put in the punch?”

Oh, that’s awkward. So, she was just acting that way, like totally sober. Please, no. Spare me. This is so weird.

I was confused and I told her what was in it: just a mix of ginger ale, 7Up, orange juice, and a can of juice concentrate. And she wanted to know what alcohol I put in it because she’d been drinking it all night and is really feeling it. I can’t watch. Oh my goodness.

I told her I didn’t put any alcohol in it and I asked if maybe someone else had spiked the punch bowl. Nobody said they added anything. And one of my coworkers who doesn’t drink even said they’d also been drinking the punch all evening and was still completely sober.

Please, this is so embarrassing.

I would also like to clarify that I understand how context can matter. Like if everyone else was really drunk, then that can make a sober person feel like they’re loaded. But that was definitely not the vibe.

What was Sandy doing? Was it like a ploy for attention or something? Pick me.

Sandy was the only person acting drunk. She then got really quiet and went by herself to the bathroom. The rest of my coworkers and I exchanged some awkward glances and tried to laugh it off. She left shortly after.

Yes, because that’s embarrassing.

And I received an angry text from her about how I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that. Stop. Get out of my face. And now she looks like an idiot in front of our bosses and the rest of our coworkers. That’s because she is. That is because she is.

My flabbers are gasted right now.

She’s been hostile to me at work ever since and is basically refusing to talk to me. Oh my word. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, and most of my coworkers agree with me, but some say I should have just let her go on thinking that the punch was alcoholic to spare the embarrassment. And I’m wondering now if I’m in the wrong.

Am I the a-hole?

Okay. No. Like, come on now. Be for real right now. No. That is so bizarre. Even if the punch was alcoholic, what was she doing flipping about like that? [Music] This is a work event. Okay, settle down.

Nobody else was acting drunk like she was. The only one. She was embarrassing herself regardless. Okay. Please get out of here.

Well, she lied. Like, she lied to everyone. Like, how is that your fault? Lord have mercy. Of course, you’re not the a-hole.

Sandy was experiencing a placebo effect. Not uncommon when people truly believe they’re drinking alcohol. That’s embarrassing, but it’s not your fault.

I mean, okay, I see that. I see that, you know.

And there’s also this thing called like contact drunk. Like, let’s say you’re totally sober and you’re around a bunch of people that are like drinking—you start to kind of mimic the behavior that you’re around and you can sometimes feel like drunk or act like a little more loosey goosey, you know what I mean? But it doesn’t seem like anybody else was acting that way. That’s what OP said: like this wasn’t that kind of vibe. Like people were chill chill.

The truly a-hole thing to do would be to let people believe an alcoholic punch was alcohol-free. That is actually what I thought you said at the beginning and then I had to reread the title. It’s like, “Oh, it was alcohol-free. Okay, that’s good.”

That’s very considerate. You’re like not putting alcohol in the alcohol punch. No, like that’s a good thing. That could really harm someone.

If she makes your life hard over this, you’re going to have to take it to management for mediation. It’s a ridiculous thing to hold against you in the office workplace.

Yeah. I mean, she can blame you as much as she wants, but at the end of the day, it’s like you were in an office environment—a coworker environment—with your bosses present, and you were acting really drunk when you weren’t drunk.

Like, even if you were really drunk, like that is the point in time where you’re like, “Okay, time to go home.” You know? Like, this is not the environment that you need to—especially if no one else is acting drunk—like, keep it tight. You know, there’s a time and a place. Have some decorum. Okay.

How would it be any less embarrassing if the punch actually was alcoholic? Either way, it means Sandy doesn’t have the sense to limit or moderate her drinking in front of her bosses and coworkers at a work party.

Not the a-hole.

I literally like could not agree more. You are not the a-hole, my dear. And Sandy can grow a pair. She could have played it off and been like, “Oh, I guess I am a lightweight.” But like she made it weird, you know? She made it like awkward and embarrassing for herself.

I’m lost for words. It is not your fault that you didn’t spike the punch and that she somehow embarrassed herself because of that. Not the a-hole.

Am I the a-hole for telling my coworker his weird dramatic relationship is cringy and annoying.

How cringey and annoying is it?

So, his girlfriend works with us in the same building. Their relationship is super, super weird, as they’re always fighting and breaking up and then getting back together at work. They often make a show of them making up. Oh, absolutely not. No, no, no. I’ll pass.

Okay, so like I actually have a relationship rule and it’s: we never fight or argue or undermine each other. Like in general, you should never do that with your partner, but save it for home. Save it for home, okay? It makes people so uncomfortable.

And like not to mention, if you bring other people into this dynamic of yours, they’re going to have opinions about it, right? And chances are they’re going to have negative opinions about it. And it’s going to make it hard for people to be supportive of your relationship if they see you fighting all the time.

Oh, brother.

So last time he sent her three dozen roses from different delivery companies, then walked in in a suit at the end of the day with a single red rose, at which point he dramatically dipped and kissed her. Barf. Seems a little distracting, I’m not going to lie.

What made it super cringe is how focused they were on literally everyone else—obviously looking for people’s reactions.

Well, I think that that’s partly due to the fact that they know that what they’re doing is like really toxic. The people that post about their relationships on social media constantly, you always have to wonder if they really are that happy, right? I always find the couples that are the happiest are the ones that don’t really share much about their relationship.

Science—which is why I am secretly very unhappy with my marriage because I can’t seem to shut up about it, forcing my husband down your throat. You get what I mean, though, right?

Like it was so noticeable that for days after people awkwardly brought up how desperate they seemed for a positive response. Ooh yeah. This is not helping workplace dynamic.

A few days ago, he apparently overheard another coworker mention that they didn’t really like his girlfriend’s coat. So naturally John made out with her against this coworker’s desk. It’s not doing what you think it’s doing, buddy. I’m just saying.

I think people are judging you. Nobody that needs to show off their relationship that much is actually happy. And furthermore, it’s none of anybody’s business, okay? This is a workplace environment.

I would feel weird if someone was doing this like at a party, let alone at work.

He was so dramatic about it, too. He marched into the room, pulled her up, and then dramatically pulled her across the room and kissed her, leaning against this random dude’s desk. No, they got to go. All because this dude didn’t like her coating.

I feel like he was going for a movie-kiss moment, because this is in real life and everyone was watching like what the—yeah, bizarre really.

Another time they wouldn’t stop talking about how they just watched a Grease marathon. I don’t even know how I thought there was only one movie for like a month after. He would sing the songs to her, and a few times even had to be told to quiet down because he would try to burst into song to her, even almost climbing on desks. Oh jeez louise. But he really has something to prove, eh?

She plays into the weirdness a lot too, very much playing up her reactions, like clasping her hands in front of her and batting her eyes very dramatically. And then she’ll half shout stuff like, “Oh, John, you’re so romantic.” I swear I’ve seen her swoon.

I feel like this would be cute if it was rare and they were a charismatic couple and it felt authentic, but as it is, it’s extremely annoying and cringy. I’m sympathy cringing now.

The desperation radiates off them and they just feel toxic. No one likes this. And again, the fact that this is happening in a workplace environment is incredibly inappropriate.

It’s very rare that they even allow these types of relationships to take place in front of everyone. I’m surprised that your office is okay with it. It’s clearly distracting. It’s clearly making everyone feel uncomfortable. I’m surprised no one’s complained or the boss hasn’t said anything. It’s distracting.

During their last skit—I love that you called it a skit—the desk kiss, I whispered to another coworker, “Sir, this is a Wendy’s.” Stupid meme, I know. And the coworker laughed, which John overheard.

He cornered me later and demanded I tell him what was funny. I wanted to be nice, so I tried to explain to him that his antics were distracting and kind of weird. He snapped at me that I was just lonely and miserable.

Okay, so is everyone in your office lonely and miserable?

I lost my temper a bit and told him he’s just cringey and annoying. Now he glares at me a ton and I expect some weird dramatic retaliation.

Oh boy.

I am half considering turning John in, as is pretty much everyone else here. I again am surprised at how this hasn’t happened already. We are a company and everyone else is professional and efficient. No one likes having to walk around them in the break room because they’re slow dancing. Oh my god, get out of here. No one likes the weird totally-not-put-on skits.

To be frank, how desperately they obviously are seeking attention and approval sets my teeth on edge. So, am I the a-hole with a stick up my butt or are they super weird?

They are super weird.

I would say that you had a stick up your butt if like you couldn’t even bear to see them like kiss. If they were, you know, just like holding hands sometimes or like, you know, being cute off in the corner—like not bothering anybody—I would say that that was you being like jealous and like lonely and whatever. But they make it everybody’s problem.

Kiss? No. Absolutely not.

Like I’m actually surprised that it has gone on as long as it has, ’cause at the bottom line, it’s distracting and the whole workplace is talking about it instead of working.

You got to go to HR because this is weird. One of them’s got to go or both of them got to go.

Not the a-hole. Their intent to put their relationship on show is affecting other people in the workplace. They need to keep their relationship drama outside of work.

Please contact HR about it, perhaps with the others who are similarly tired of these big dramatics. Yes. And I think that having more than one person complaining also offsets the whole argument of you being like jealous and lonely and like with a stick up your butt, right? Like if everybody’s complaining, then clearly you are not the problem.

They’re there to work, not to live out a romcom fantasy. Couldn’t agree more. Not the a-hole.

This is one of the weirdest, most unprofessional things I’ve ever read. My boyfriend got in trouble for flirting with me at work once because he walked by and poked me and we laughed. How are these two allowed all these dramatics?

This is what I’m saying. Like, I’m surprised that this has gone on and gotten to this point. It seems excessive, cringey, and creepy for sure. Turn them in.

OP responds: I think it’s so over the top that no one knows what to do. Like how people say to act insane if someone tries to rob you because the robber will be so shocked they’ll just run away. This is so out of reality that I think it’s just kind of perplexed everyone.

Bottom line, it’s distracting and you just—you don’t need that in a work environment. They don’t need to prove their love to—maybe they do feel like they need to prove their love to everybody. Weird.

I would feel uncomfortable if this was happening and it was like an out-of-workplace hangout, let alone something that’s actually happening at work.

You are not the a-hole, and report that to HR ASAP.

Am I the a-hole for how I turned down an affair with a coworker and refusing to quit my job?

I, 43 male, had been married to my wife, 45 female, and we have three kids. My new coworker, 34 female, and I took a liking to each other, which was very platonic on my side. We used to text, but nothing that was questionable.

She then sent me some flirty texts and a racy picture of her. Uh-oh.

I basically shut her down, and I told her I don’t have any interest in having an affair with her. I have a good wife who gives me a good life, and I don’t want to damage it. I’ve decided to tell my wife what happened, and we laughed it off.

Good for you. I do have a green flag here. I don’t use it much. I use the red one more often, but there’s a green one here. Don’t worry.

But then she snooped through my phone. She found the text and was very mad at me. Ooh. I would argue that there shouldn’t really have been much texting to be honest, unless it was work-related at all, but I digress.

She was mad because she feels if she was unable to be a good wife to me, I would cheat. That’s a good point. I mean, it is interesting the way that you said it: “Oh, she’s a good wife, so I don’t want to have an affair.” I don’t love that.

I told her I would divorce her first before I ever considered cheating on her. I don’t love that either. Sorry. I don’t love that. I don’t know. Oh, don’t worry. “I’ll divorce you first.” Like, what do you mean? Sorry.

So, for a bit of context, I went through a bout of depression a decade ago, okay? My youngest wasn’t born yet. I lost my job. It was a dark time. Eventually, my wife asked for separation.

I was able to crawl out of the hole, got a job, etc., and she came back. But after that, I realized I can’t lose myself again or I will lose everything.

For her part, she’s apologized for leaving and had been a good wife. Okay. Um, I feel kind of like you’re playing the victim here a little bit. I don’t understand why this has come up or why it’s relevant. Like, I’m sorry that you went through that, but like why is that relevant to the story or why you would justify? Are you trying to justify what you—okay. All right. I’m just going to carry on. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.

Now my wife wants me to quit my job and find a new one. I have refused. I feel like before you quit your job, I mean, I don’t know, man, I’m really curious to know what was in these text messages that she’s so upset about.

I’m definitely not going to do it. I don’t trust my wife not to leave if I can’t find another job. I will lose everything again. So, I refused.

She taunted me by saying, “I just want to go with my coworker. That’s why I won’t listen to her.”

Okay, but you are going to lose everything if you don’t quit this job. Like, I get she’s kind of holding it over your head a little bit, but like I feel like she’s fighting for the relationship by saying that she wants you to quit the job so that you don’t have any more distraction.

She’s uncomfortable about this workplace relationship that you have, for lack of a better word. “I miss being with you.”

I told her if she divorces me, she has no business telling me who I date. I basically said to her that I’m not quitting my job, and I’m not discussing it anymore.

She will probably leave me if I quit my job and struggle to find another one. So, she may as well leave me now because I would rather be divorced than be divorced and jobless.

She accused me of holding on to the past, but how could I not? She left me once. I won’t ever put myself in that position again. That’s trauma.

Okay. Yeah, this is a tough one.

I don’t think that she should be outright saying you need to quit your job. I feel like there’s other steps that can be taken first before we say that we’re going to quit the job. Oof, that’s a tough one.

Not the a-hole. You told her, which was awesome. I’d want my hubs to do the same. She sees you texting a woman and has confirmation that girl wants to pounce on you first chance she gets, though she’s insecure about the situation. Understandable.

If she has really matured since the separation, then she should be able to work through this. Let her know that you both have insecurities about what each other would do in these respective situations.

So, the better solution is to work on trusting each other and maintaining boundaries at work. And seriously, I don’t believe many husbands would tell their wives about this type of scenario. I can’t say mine would even text a coworker of the opposite sex outside of work topics anyway, but still, that’s a bad move on your part to tell your wife proactively.

I do agree that you did something good by telling your wife. I don’t love that you were texting this coworker. I think she has a right to feel insecure.

Yeah, it’s a tough one, ’cause like I feel like other steps can be taken before you quit this job. Fair enough.

Okay, so one person said, “I don’t think we have the info to make this assessment. We haven’t seen the text that took place between OP and his coworker.” That’s kind of why I was like mmm. Unless his coworker’s unhinged, it sounds like they were close enough to be crossing boundaries that she saw sending a racy picture to a coworker as worthwhile gamble knowing she could lose her job if he brought it to HR.

I’d bet money this wasn’t as one-sided as OP is suggesting it is. Hot take.

Sending very personal texts to a coworker in this way could be seen by many as crossing boundaries and breaching trust in a marriage. Please tell me you’ve cut all nonprofessional contact with the woman in question. If not, then she’s got a valid argument that you’re being unreasonable.

If you have, and there is means to avoid any interactions that are just the two of you, it can be worked around. As my grandfather would say, “The appearance of impropriety is just as damaging.” Yeah, that’s a very good quote, by the way. I enjoy that quote.

Okay. OP kind of said some weird things in the comments. I hope you told your wife why you won’t quit your job—that it’s because you’re afraid of losing your wife, not the younger coworker.

And OP responded: “I’m not afraid of losing her. I’m afraid of being divorced as well as jobless.” What? What? What? What? Because then even my coworker wouldn’t want me. Oh god.

Okay. I’m just going to quickly point out before people are like, “You’re missing the point here. She left him.” Blah blah blah.

I can understand OP feeling, you know, jaded about his wife leaving him when he was not in a good place. I totally get where he’s coming from. I totally get the insecurities surrounding that. I would be really afraid of that happening, too.

But like, I feel like there’s a lot of inconsistencies here. I feel strange about these comments that he’s making. People are saying like, “It sounds like you do have a thing for your coworker. I feel bad for your wife. My sympathy is rapidly receding.”

And OP said, “So is my hairline. Big deal.”

Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know about this, guys. I don’t love the updates that OP’s making. I don’t love how he doesn’t really seem willing to compromise. He’s not really saying what was going on in these text messages or being very forthcoming.

And yes, I can understand him feeling, you know, some type of way about his wife maybe not sticking with him when things went south. Serious trauma.

But at the same time, she did come back. I think her telling him to quit a job is her fighting for the relationship, and he’s saying, “Well, I don’t want to quit the job because you’ll leave me if I quit.”

But she’s saying she will leave him if he doesn’t quit. I think that he’s into the coworker. Spicy one. Very spicy indeed.

“Your response here shows your attitude and feeling toward your wife, which explains why she got upset. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure that out. It sounds like your marriage is already over, especially if you’re entertaining conversations with other women to the point that they send you a racy pic, which yeah, kind of makes you the a-hole.”

“Sounds like divorce is better for both your stakes and well-being. As it sounds like you’re not happy in your marriage, even if you turn down your colleague, even despite the fact that you didn’t actively flirt or send any pics, you could have unknowingly been looking for attention elsewhere, which can lead to emotional cheating without realizing to fill a hole that is missing in your relationship.”

God damn.

Edit to add: It sounds like trust is broken both ways. That’s why I said like it does sound like OP has a chip on his shoulder about what happened when his wife left him or like separated from him when he was going through something terrible. Obviously, no, I would feel some type of way about that, too.

I do think I agree with these comments that it just sort of sounds like there’s not much of a marriage here left. It doesn’t really sound like he wants to fight for it. Kind of is what it is.

Is he an a-hole? I mean, I think if he was planning on staying with his wife, then he would be an a-hole. But if he wants to just quit, I don’t know. I feel like the marriage is over, to be honest. Game over, man. Game over.

That, you know, people are pointing out in the comments like you guys need to go to counseling to work through these feelings you have about each other. You both have insecurities that you’re dealing with. You’re both worried about losing the other one.

I do think it would be good to go the counseling route before we throw in the towel. Mom, let’s throw in the towel.

But yeah, I don’t feel like this marriage is on the right track based on how you’re updating and how you’re talking about your marriage. Just saying.

I do think that you’re not handling this the best. I do think that you did the right thing by telling your wife, but I don’t like how you’re handling this situation at all. So, I might have to go with: you’re an a-hole here. Sorry.

That was some spicy unhinged work drama, and I hope you enjoyed it. And I also hope you enjoyed the longer video.