On a peaceful Sunday evening, Bert and Edna, married for 55 years, sit sipping lukewarm tea on their porch swing, watching squirrels wrestle over a Cheeto. Edna suddenly sighs and says, “Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.” Bert raises an eyebrow and replies, “Bucket lists? Edna, I’m 87.
My only goal is to wake up and find my pants.” Edna insists they should each do something they’ve always wanted to try. Bert admits he’s always dreamed of skydiving, which shocks Edna, reminding him he nearly passed out last time he bent down.
Bert shrugs and jokes that if he passes out midair, he hopes to land in the neighbor’s garden—he’s always wanted to haunt him. They laugh, and Edna agrees, saying she has something to do too. When Bert asks what it is, Edna gets that mischievous glint in her eye—the same one she had in 1965 when she “accidentally” tossed his bowling trophy out the car window.
She leans in and confesses: for 20 years, she made his favorite recliner tilt left by jamming a spatula in it as payback for him spilling grape soda on her curtains back in ’89. Bert is stunned. Edna goes on to reveal she also sabotaged the remote so it would only play the Hallmark Channel by gluing a penny inside it—just to make him watch five straight years of Christmas romances.
Bert is speechless. Then, he leans back and calmly admits something too. “Remember my Saturday fishing trips that lasted ten years?” Edna frowns. “You don’t fish.” Bert grins. “Exactly. I was bowling. Won four trophies. They’re hidden behind the water heater.” Edna’s jaw drops. “You mean the one I threw out was fake?!” They both burst out laughing. Edna buys Bert a new recliner, Bert finally goes skydiving, and now they bowl together every Saturday—mainly to keep an eye on each other. Years later, the couple, now in their 80s, pass away in a car accident and arrive at the Pearly Gates. Thanks to Edna’s healthy lifestyle obsession, they were in great shape until the end. St. Peter shows them a beautiful heavenly home with everything they ever dreamed of—gourmet kitchen, Jacuzzi, golf course, unlimited food, and zero cost. Bert, still skeptical, keeps asking about prices, calories, and cholesterol. St. Peter keeps telling him, “This is heaven. It’s all free. You can eat anything, and you won’t gain a pound.” Finally, Bert loses it and yells, “This is all your fault!” Turning to Edna, he fumes, “If it weren’t for your healthy food and bran muffins, we could’ve been here ten years ago!”
