Hoda Kotb has never shied away from sharing her heart, but in her new book Jump and Find Joy, the former Today show host reveals the raw moment she realized her engagement to Joel Schiffman had quietly reached its end.

Hoda, 61, and Joel, 67, began dating in 2013 and went on to adopt two daughters, Haley Joy, now 8, and Hope Catherine, 6. After nearly a decade together, and a wedding that fans had eagerly anticipated, the pair announced their split in January 2022.

Looking back, Hoda admits that everything changed after a retreat at the Hoffman Institute, a program designed to help people uncover their most powerful self.

She described it as an epiphany: “Our ‘us’ felt different. I began to feel like I was a total phony in my relationship.” She later called the decision to end things “one of the best 10-second decisions of my life.”

From partners to dear friends

In a candid conversation on Today, Hoda shared that while she will always care for Joel, she realized their relationship wasn’t deepening. She admitted that as an optimist, she kept hoping to make things work, but eventually she had an epiphany that “took courage” to say out loud. “I loved Joel then, and I love Joel now. I just had to remind myself that it was a different kind of love,” she said.

The former couple have since redefined their bond, choosing friendship and co-parenting over romance. “We will co-parent in a beautiful way, but I also think our ‘us’ is more of a, like, we’re dear friends now. And that’s beautiful, and it feels right,” Hoda explained, adding that they still share moments of “laughing in hysterics” together.

Putting family first

For Hoda, the most important piece of this new chapter is raising their daughters in a home filled with honesty and love. “You just have to be honest about it. Kids catch pretending,” she explained. “They know Joel and I care so much for each other, and they also know we love them dearly. I really adore Joel, and they know it. Once they see that, they go, ‘Ah, OK. This is good.’ It’s not his time, my time. It’s our time. That’s how we do it.”

By staying true to that approach, she believes her girls feel the stability and joy that comes from two parents who may not be partners, but are still a team.

Looking ahead with hope

While romance isn’t on her immediate agenda, Hoda hasn’t closed the door on love. “I’m not running around saying, ‘Set me up. Who’s the guy? What’s the app?’” she joked. “But I do know that in this season, that’s coming. There’s someone meant for me out there. I have no doubt in my mind that exists. I’m longing for a soul connection.”

For fans who have followed her journey from heartbreak to healing, Hoda’s openness is a reminder that sometimes the bravest decision is choosing the relationship that feels most true, even if it means rewriting the ending.